Midday in the city and our heroes drive at the speed limit towards the latest crime scene. Captain Cautious wore his driving gloves, while Giblets played with the window.
‘So this immortal guy Boomer,’ said Giblets. ‘Any ideas how we can finish him off? I figured freeze ray or body armour made out of children.’
‘I am afraid my ridiculous ride-along that such tactics are outside the scope of our powers,’ said Captain Cautious indicating early enough to warn drivers of his next turn. ‘It may have to be placed on the back burner until we solve our primary case.’
‘Right so just to be clear how many cases are on the back burner… we got Chicken Hitler, Boomer and of course the master evil.’
‘Yes… the master evil. A person of such terror we dare not say its name.’
‘Though we don’t actually know the master evil’s identity so that does help.’
The safety mobile pulled up to the city bank and the pair raced out the vehicle.
As they reached the steps of the bank, PI Chumlee blocked their path.
‘Not today guys!’ he shouted whipping out a pair of cuffs.
‘But we must investigate the murder scene if we are find the culprit,’ said Captain Cautious.
‘Yeah piss off Chumbucket,’ said Giblets.
‘This isn’t a murder scene you idiots, this is bank robbery,’ said PI Chumlee.
‘Well… we didn’t know that, we just knew the victim was a banker and thought this was the best place to start looking,’ said Captain Cautious.
‘This thing’s pretty much wrapped up thanks to real detective work.’
On que Pocket arrived with a folder filled with photographs and witness statements.
‘Pocket my man,’ said Giblets and they fist pumped each other.
Giblets then passed the file away from Pocket and gave it to Captain Cautious.
‘Those are confidential,’ barked Chumlee as Captain cautious scanned the paperwork.
‘ According the reliable research and investigation of Pocket, at 3AM the night guard opened the safe and started to pass out money to the front of the bank before knocking himself out with his own torch once he locked himself in the safe,’ said Captain Cautious.
‘Yeah he’s claiming alien hand syndrome or some non-sense like an invisible force made him,’ said PI Chumlee. ‘But I’m calling bullshit on the insanity plea. He’s going to prison for a long time.’
As he finished his sentence a distraught guard was dragged out the building by two police officers and thrown into a police car.
‘He just left the money out in the street to be collected, but didn’t follow in the getaway vehicle?’ said Giblets. ‘Then locked himself in the safe. None of this sounds weird to you at all?’
‘That’s what he wants you to think,’ said PI Chumlee. ‘That he must be innocent or else why would he let himself get caught. I can see through his rouse.’
As the pair debated with glares, Captain Cautious examined a blown up photograph that Pocket pointed to within the file. In background a faint figure with four finger tips could be seen poking out the darkness.
‘Looks like he wasn’t alone that evening,’ said Captain Cautious.
Pocket then folded over another witness statement to reveal a blown up fingers print that was crossed reference with the guards.
‘They look a hell of a lot different,’ said Giblets. ‘You know whose it is?’
Pocket shook his head.
‘Pocket stop giving out evidence!’ shouted PI Chumlee.
Giblets then cracked out his brick on a chain, ‘don’t shout at Pocket you fat bitch or I will fuck up your legs!’
‘I haven’t got time for this!’ shouted PI Chumlee, ‘this case is closed. Pocket give me the file, we’re leaving.’
‘And so shall we… come Giblet’s we have an innocent man to save!’ shouted Captain Cautious.
‘What about the murder scene?’ asked Giblets.
‘No time for that, I’ve got a hot lead on this caper.’
Captain Cautious dashed off back to the safety mobile and Giblets followed, his brick clicking the pavement as it dragged behind him.
After several hours investigating and following Captain Cautious ‘hot leads’, a single leaflet that was stuck to Captain Cautious’s shoe back at the crime scene, led them to the City Theatre House.
‘Well this was a quick win for us, especially going below the speed limit,’ said Giblets getting out the car.
The pair entered the theatre and made their way towards the main stage. On stage, several ballet students were practicing their movements. At the side giving instructions was a gentle woman leaning on a crutch.
‘This is my kind of show,’ said Giblets.
‘Giblets you uncultured underworldling, this is art and body mixed into a tapestry of beauty. A canvas of the stage and each step a stroke of paint.’
‘ Say whatever you will man, I like the female from low and high levels, then low… then high… then low and so on…’
The pair’s whispering caught the attention of the gentle woman.
‘Excuse me, would you two keep your voices down!’ she shouted. ‘You’re distracting our performers.’
‘Sorry love wouldn’t want that to happen,’ said Giblets.
Her eyes squinted and a smile blossomed on her face.
‘Giblets is that you?’ she asked.
‘Yeah who wants to… oh my God… Monica,’ he shouted.
The grubby brute walked towards the frail flower and placed his hands on hers.
‘It’s been ten years, how are you?’ he said.
‘It’s been tough… the years have not been kind and my condition is getting worse,‘ she said looking at her cane. ‘The treatments are not working so well. I barely perform myself anymore’
‘I wish I could do something to help love, I really do.’
‘We tired your bath so many wild nights ago, but it doesn’t work on me. I just need to keep going and smile through the pain. All artist must suffer.’
Captain Cautious then approached the pair on stage.
‘ Excuse me, I do not mean to interject on this merry meet up,’ he said ‘ but how do you know of each other?’
‘I did security work back when Monica was first starting out,’ said Giblets. ‘I remember this ventriloquist was knocking on your door and just won’t take no for an answer.’
‘He was a love struck admirer, that you seem to enjoy striking down,’ said Monica.
‘I think he needed plastic surgery after that punch,’ smiled Giblets.
Monica’s hand stroked her hand down Giblet’s face.
‘In the old days it took a very special kind of man to touch me and make me feel loved… now a days no one wishes to hold me.’
Captain Cautious saw the tattoos on Giblet’s hands change to that of caged bird.
‘You touch the world with your performance and craft young women who touch their hearts too. I think the world still cares for you deeply.’
Monica’s face beamed a pink glow.
‘My girls and I are performing preview shows this evening. I could get you both seats if you liked?’
‘We do have a case to solve,’ said Captain Cautious.
‘And where’s best to investigate when everyone out on stage,’ whispered Giblets.
As the pair headed towards the exit, they were blocked by a man with a slender long nose.
‘This is a closed rehearsal,’ shouted the man. ‘What are you both doing sniffing around here?’
‘Mercy, its okay,’ said Moncia. ‘They are my friends.’
‘We do not have time for friends, we perform in a few hours!’
‘Hey buddy, you might want to not talk to the lady like that?’ said Giblet with gritted teeth.
‘Mercy is my manager, our stage hand and… my lover. He’s just a bit under pressure right now with the preview,’ said Monica.’
The two men shared spiked glances at one another.
‘Come along my culturally enlighten comrade, we will be able to scout out our suspect tonight,’ said Captain Cautious.
‘That’s right run along and play make believe,’ said Mercy, ‘make sure the door doesn’t hit you on the way out.’
By the third step, Giblets lost him footing and slammed face first into the ground.
‘Silly Giblets you should have been more… cautious,’ said Captain Cautious.
‘I tripped over something you bastard,’ said Giblets. ‘What didn’t you warn me with your ‘safety sense’ or whatever the hell you all it?’
Captain Cautious examined the floor and saw no trip hazards whatsoever. A chill went through him, ‘why did he indeed?’
That evening, the audience was seated and the music began as the lights went down. Captain Cautious scouted the fire exists, while Giblets turned his IPod onto the best of Iron Maiden. Granted Giblets may have been a security guard, but that had not changed his music taste. Nothing was quite as interesting as ballet mashed up with metal. As the story unfolded on stage, Captain Cautious’s safety sense tingled. Something was amiss. Focusing in on the feeling, one of the counter weights above the stage was not tied correctly and he needed to act fast. He took flight over the audience, climbing over seats and audience members to get to the front of the stage, before slipping to the back. He managed to get through the locked door using his ‘Safety pin’ as a skeleton key. His senses drew him closer to the knot and then a quick climb from handing rope got him to the loosened knot. With his Safety powers, Captain Cautious managed to tie the knot again and secured the position. Before he let himself slide down, he saw Monica is full costume enter the stage. He could not disturb her performance and he was forced to hang in the air.
From his height, Captain Cautious was able to see the audience and the full stage, including Mercy. In the corner out of the audience’s sight, Mercy had his hands in the air. Fingers spread he pulled his arms and fingertips as if pulling on something. Captain Cautious could not sense anything that would be trip hazard like strings or fishing lines. There were no puppets or interactive scenery on the stage. Then it click as he waved his arm in a circle. He was controlling Monica’s movements. He was making sure that she was able to keep up with the girls and performing feats well beyond a woman of her years. At the climax of the performance, Monica almost levitated in the air and spun gently to the amazement of the audience. As she landed and gave a final bow, the theatre broke into cheers. Monica’s face swelled with pride and the energy came to here from every seat. Even Giblets was upon his feet and giving her the roars reserved for a boxing fight. As the curtain fell, so did Monica. Her body had slumped to her side and she gave wheezing breaths. Mercy ran forward and lifted up her head.
‘These silly shows,’ she whispered, ‘I do love them so.’
‘Hush,’ said Mercy, ‘you did beautifully. Let’s go hide for the evening.’
One of the young ballerina’s rolled out a wheelchair and Mercy placed his lover within it. The pair then made their way to the back of the theatre. Captain Cautious slid down the rope.
‘I need to tell Giblet’s,’ he said.
Captain Cautious managed to meet up with Giblet’s at the stage entrance of the theatre. A crowd of fans awaited the departing of the performers, hoping to get an autograph or picture.
‘Giblets,’ said Captain Cautious, ‘it’s my misfortune to tell you that your friend’s partner is in fact a dastardly deviant.’
‘No shit he’s a douchebag,’ said Giblets.
‘No Giblets, he is our robber,’ explained Captain Cautious.
‘Sweet let’s beat him up,’ said Giblets.
‘Do you not want to know about how I came across this conclusion?’ asked Captain cautious.
‘You’re giving me a free pass to beat down someone I don’t like. I’m not gonna question that.’
Giblets made his way to the door, pulled back his neck and slammed his forehead into it, knocking it off its hinges.
‘After you Captain,’ said Giblets, a drip of blood running down his forehead.
The pair ran through the back stage to the cry of ballerinas, whom were partly changed. They fled like butterflies in a forest fire, as our heroes reached Monica’s changing room. With a single kick, the door broke from its frame and on the floor was Monica. Her dressing room was not filled with flowers and perfume, rather bottles of pills and oxygen tanks. Giblets knelt beside her and placed her head on his lap.
‘Monica… I didn’t know,’ said Giblets.
‘I doubt either of you would,’ said a voice in the background.
Mercy was stood with a needle and a bottle.
‘This serum is not available on the open market yet, still in testing laboratories,’ said Mercy.
He injected the needle into Monica’s spine and pressed on the plunger.
‘Every moment she moves and is pain free is worth the risks. Of course, nothing like this comes cheap or easy.’
‘How much?’ asked Captain Cautious.
‘An effective treatment for MS? Priceless to us… and very high to others.’
‘You robbed the bank. You used your powers to make the guard take the money out of the vault. He was literally your puppet.’
‘You speak like it was wrong. If a man is hungry is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread? What I hunger for is love and you two fuckwits are not going to get in my way.’
‘We understand why you’d do it Mercy, but that’s not your money to take. Think of all those people who saved and worked. What about their needs?’
‘We need it more! More than investors, more than bankers or rich kids trust funds.’
‘And what about the innocent guard who was just making a living for his family, what about him?’
‘My love’s death would be an unjust punishment for a crime no one committed. What about you Chicken genitals, are you going to condemn me or do you see my plight?’
Giblets remained still, just watching his friend struggling to manage through the medication.
‘If this treatment works, she’ll dance again for herself. Without pain or puppet strings. She could live a good life without suffering or distress. Without the fear of falling into a ragdoll. Can you say what I am doing is evil?’
‘No.’ said Giblets. ‘It’s not evil… but you’re still a criminal. I’d do the same if I was you. I’d lie, cheat, steal, kill and die for her if I had to. The point though is I would also accept responsibility for it. I would know when my time was up and that innocent people I hurt needed their vengeance. I guess you would say your mistake was getting caught. Now face it like a man or I’ll whip you down like a boy.’
Mercy gave a smile.
‘You think I would be going down without a fight, then you must be mistaken.’
‘No, I doubt you would,’ said Giblets. ‘Let’s do this on stage, away from here though.’
‘Agreed.’
Mercy gave Monica a kiss on the lips and the men left her room to take their quarrels to the stage.
On opposite sides of the stage, Mercy the puppet master stood against our heroes.
‘Are you ready gentleman,’ said Mercy.’ I have all the tricks of the stage at my fingertips.’
‘Go fuck yourself you creepy nosed wanker,’ said Giblets.
With chain and brick already building momentum it was Captain cautious who made the first strike. His punch was frozen in place as his body became wrapped in invisible tying. His body was then thrown to the side against the wall.
‘A bit blunt aren’t we?’ smirked Mercy. ‘You should be more subtle.’
‘Actually I’m someone to be more… cautious,’ said Captain Cautious.
With a wave of his hand, Mercy let loose several sand bags. Captain Cautious’s safety sense went wild as he ducked the falling counter weights. With his spare hand, Mercy opened a trap door and Captain Cautious caught the edge.
‘Exit, stage down,’ said Mercy.
Below him, dozens of prop weapons were stood up like a pit trap.
‘Any time my tardy teammate,’ said Captain Cautious.
Giblets was stood in place, his brick still spinning faster and faster.
‘Oh so sorry Captain, but he’s very much under my control, ‘said Mercy. ‘Though if you need a demonstration.’
Mercy clicked his fingers and the brick on the chain flew at Captain Cautious. Captain Cautious had no choice, but to release his grip and fall into the stage.
‘And that’s the end of Act one,’ said Mercy, ‘now for Act 2: death of a leather cumbucket!’
From out the trap door, Captain Cautious sprung out and dive kicked into Mercy. When he landed he revealed a pair of spring boots.
‘Who the hell brings spring boot to a fight?’ asked Mercy.
‘I do when there’s justice to be fought!’ said Captain Cautious.
‘Well let’s see how many tricks you’ll play when it’s your friend you gotta fool.’
Giblets charged forwards at Captain Cautious. As his fist fell from the heavens, Captain Cautious summon a riot shield to protect himself. Thud after thud, sent Captain Cautious backwards.
‘Snap out of it,’ said Captain Cautious.
‘I’m trying, but he’s got me tapped into my brain,’ said Giblets.
‘After you’ve researched MS long enough, you learn about motor neurones and spinal connections,’ said Mercy. ‘Enough to let me take any host I want. So he’s completely helpless, active on minute and motionless the next. In complete comfort or utter agony. He is a puppet that needs something else to pull the strings.’
‘So this is just a huge metaphor for someone with MS,’ said Captain Cautious.
‘Oh shit… I guess it is. Never really thought about it until now.’
‘It must be weird to inflict the same circumstance you are trying to remove from the woman you love.’
‘I must confess there are some very interesting ramifications to my actions,’ said Mercy.
‘Will you sons of bitches just fight, I’m in a lot of Goddamn pain right now!’ shouted Giblets.
‘No need Giblets because I have my own powers of control,’ said Captain Cautious. ‘You see being safe is also about having fun without regrets and I know one dance that works every time.’
Captain Cautious placed his hands on his trousers and pulled them off to reveal a pair of disco shorts.
‘SAFETY DANCE!’
The music started to blare out of the speakers and echoed around the theatre as Captain Cautious began to dance.
‘What the hell is this?’ shouted Mercy.
‘The only useful power he has within an enclosed environment,’ said Giblets.
The music picked up and Mercy found his body moving to the rhythm. Mercy quickly lost control of his puppet as his hands and arms were enslaved to the beats. Giblets took this opportunity to fish for his brick on a chain and pull it back.
‘No please… I’m sorry,’ said Mercy still dancing in place. ‘Just not the face… not the…’
Giblets began beating and whipping Mercy with the brick. After several blows, Mercy folded to the ground and was defeated.
‘Hey why weren’t you affected by my Safety dance?’ asked Captain Cautious.
‘I don’t dance,’ said Giblets.
When the police arrived, they took their statements and found all the missing cash under the stage. Monica was quickly placed in an ambulance and taken to a hospital, while Mercy was carted off into another ambulance.
‘You’ve… killed her… both of you… killed her…’ said Mercy.
Giblets was silent as Captain Cautious stood triumphant in front of PI Chumlee.
‘Well Giblets we saw justice done and managed to free an innocent man from prison.’
‘Actually he got shived while in holding,’ said PI Chumlee. ‘It was a bloody mess. Maybe if you two had informed us before the show he might still be alive, but hey you got to be heroes right. Now go smile in front of the cameras and get the hell out of my sight.’
Our heroes departed from the theatre and returned to base to work on their primary case. But who is the murder, why did our heroes take this needless tangent? What does MS stand for? Find out next time (except for MS which is Multiple Sclerosis, a very real and terrible illness. Please donate if you enjoyed this story and want to be a real superhero in the fight against this life threatening condition) and remember… SAFETY FIRST.
Colourful imagination with grey thoughts 